After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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