This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
