Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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