i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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