We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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