I think my vagina is haunted
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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