Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize
