I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
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