I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
