I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
