it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
