She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I had to cum in my sink.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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