if you like me you must not know who I am
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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