Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
