Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
