but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
