overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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