You're my little dorito
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
