dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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