Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
