Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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