I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
