Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
