Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just forgot I was standing up.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
