the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
