she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
