My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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