Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
