no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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