Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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