I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
