oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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