We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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