every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
