you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
