High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
