when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
