Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
