hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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