i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
