The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
