ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
