Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
