so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
