Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
