I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
