Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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