What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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