I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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