now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
