Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
