"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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