Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
