made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
