i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
